When your 19-year-old child calls you in tears, expressing their loneliness and distress, it's crucial to respond with empathy and understanding. The least helpful response is to dismiss their feelings with phrases like "don't be silly" or "don't be ridiculous." As an adult, you might recognize that these emotions are temporary and that your child will eventually overcome them, but they may not see it that way.
When they reach out to you to share their emotions, dismissing their feelings can make them feel unheard and unimportant. This response can lead to two potential outcomes: they may either withdraw and shut you out emotionally or escalate their emotional expression in an attempt to make you understand their pain. For instance, they might start skipping classes to show just how unhappy they truly are.
In such moments, it's essential to listen actively, validate their emotions, and let them know that you're there to support them through their difficulties. This way, you can maintain a strong and open line of communication with your child, helping them navigate their emotions and challenges with your guidance and understanding.
Eleanor Menzin is a pediatrician.
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