"My sister called me. I answered. And, then, I lost it: 'He died. He died,' I repeated. 'Our patient died. I literally did CPR on this guy. We tried to save his life, and he died,' I repeated over and over. The tears streaming down my cheeks were cathartic. More than signifying a loss, the tears signified that I was still human, that I haven’t lost touch with reality. Residency hasn’t changed me. Death still affects me. I’m not numb. I’m human.
My tears were confirmation that I haven’t changed in that way. I was not calloused. He died. And I still felt it. I had a heart."
Maseray S. Kamara is a general surgery resident and can be reached on Instagram @drkamara.
She shares her story and discusses her KevinMD article, "Death still affects me. I’m not numb. I’m human." (https://www.kevinmd.com/blog/2020/09/death-still-affects-me-im-not-numb-im-human.html)
Hosted by Kevin Pho, MD, The Podcast by KevinMD shares the stories of the many who intersect with our health care system but are rarely heard from. Welcome to The Podcast by KevinMD.
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